Sunday, November 2, 2014
So this blog is now an archive of the witty turns of phrase of my remarkable daughter. Enjoy.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Imogen: Well, in the morning we went to City Slickers and then...
Me, interrupting: Wait, what is City Slickers? I saw that on your field trip form but I don't know what it is.
Imogen: Oh, it was about how stuff was in the olden days, a really long time ago.
Me: The olden days? Olden days here in Alberta or somewhere else?
Imogen: I don't really know, but it was a long time ago, like the 1980s.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Imogen: What is an atom bomb, Mom? Does it hit the ground and burst?
Me: Yes, it does. And then it does a lot of really bad things. It kills everything around it. It keeps killing things for many years after it has been dropped. A man named Albert Einstein learned how to split atoms and the American Military used it to make the atom bomb and dropped it on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. They made a really bad choice. All bombs are bad but atom bombs are really bad.
Imogen: Why did Albert Einstein learn how to do things that made bombs?
Me: He was learning about atoms, very small things that make up everything around us. He didn't know that people would use the things he learned for bad things.
Imogen: Can I see an atom bomb?
Me: We can look at a video online.
Video viewed. Off to bed to read. After reading:
Imogen: Mom, I think Albert Einstein would be sad that his learning made people like Sadako die.
Me: I think you're right.
Imogen: Was it a war?
Me: Yes, the bombs were dropped in a war.
Imogen: There are wars right now. Do you think Israel and Syria will use the atom bomb?
Me: I don't know if they have the atom bomb, but I hope they don't use it if they do.
Imogen: I read in the newspaper that the United States and Canada are giving military supplies to Israel. Will Canada or the United States give them the atom bomb?
Me: I don't think so. I really hope not.
Imogen: People should not die because governments make bad choices. I want governments to stop making bad choices because actually they are stupid choices.
Me: I agree.
Imogen: The governments should ask "do I want someone to do this to me?" I think their answer would be no so they should stop.
Me: I agree.
Imogen: Mom, do you think Albert Einstein had autism and did his learning because he really, really liked learning about atoms and science and he didn't think about what bad people would do with his learning? Mom, I think sometimes I do learning and I don't know what bad people might do with the things I learn.
Me: Those are big questions, Imogen. It's possible. What learning that you're doing are you worried about?
Imogen: Well, I have to do lots of worksheets and I really like them and I do lots of extra ones so I get to keep them but what if a kid in my class makes a bad choice and takes my worksheet and gives another kid a paper cut with it? I would be so sad if that happened because it would be my fault for learning and getting the kid hurt.
Me: Did someone get a paper cut at school, Imogen? Do you know that it would not be your fault if they did and it was not Albert Einstein's fault that people used his learning in bad ways?
Imogen: I just think someone could get a paper cut. And that would be partly my fault for having the paper.
Me: We can't be responsible for what other people do, hon.
Imogen: But mom, we are! Everything is connected!
I think Imogen may be more intelligent than most people I know.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Imogen: So Mommy, how did you and MamaJen like Laurie Blakeman's book party last night?
Me: It wasn't Laurie Blakeman's book party, honey, it was Laurie MacFayden's book party. It was a book launch.
Imogen: Laurie MacFayden wrote a book?!
Me: Actually, this was a party for the second book Laurie, wrote; Laurie has written two books.
Imogen: Laurie MacFayden writes books AND paints beautiful pictures?!
Me: Yes. And other things too. She does a whole bunch of jobs at the newspaper.
Imogen: Why didn't you name ME Laurie???
Monday, September 8, 2014
Friday, August 1, 2014
Friday, July 25, 2014
Imogen: What's a blackboard?
Me: It's what we had at school when I was a kid. Our teachers wrote on it with chalk and had special brushes to erase the chalk.
Imogen: Mom, did you take too many painkillers because you are talking crazy.
Officially feel OLD.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Me, gesturing at a large box marked 'Donations', to woman behind desk: Should we put these things in that cardboard box?
Woman: No. Just set them on the ground here, we'll weigh them before they get put in the supply.
Imogen: They're from Laurie Blakeman! We're delivering for her!
Woman: Oh, she's an MP or something, right?
Me: MLA, actually.
Imogen: Don't you know what an MLA... [stopped by my lips pursed and finger to them, signalling 'stop.'
After, in car.
Imogen: Mom, why didn't that woman know who Laurie Blakeman is? Why didn't she know the difference between an MP and an MLA? Mom, an MLA is a Member of the Legislative Assembly and an MP is a Member of Parliament and Laurie is not a Member of Parliament. Why didn't she know that? Why did you shush me?
Me: Imogen, you know a lot more about politics than most children your age.
Imogen: So? She wasn't a child my age.
Me: That's true, but a lot of grown ups aren't aware of politics; they don't follow politics. I think you might know more than some adults.
Imogen: You mean she doesn't vote?!
Me: I didn't say that she doesn't vote. We don't know that. I only mean that she might not know about politicians who aren't representing her. Lots of adults don't know things like that.
Imogen: How can they not know? That is crazy, Mom. People should know things so they can make intelligent choices when they vote. You told me that the last time you voted.
Me: I did tell you that and I do think people should inform themselves, but not everyone does. And not everyone votes. In fact, in our elections, not enough people vote, only about 60%.
Imogen: That's only a little bit over half. That's stupid.
Me: It's not good, that's for sure.
Imogen: Mom, I still want to be in the Olympics for curling and figure skating and ballet [please note: Imogen does not participate in any of these activities] and I want to be an ice cream scientist, but I've decided something.
Me: What's that?
Imogen: I think I need to be an MLA too. I think I need to work with Laurie Blakeman.
Me: I think you would be a great politician Imogen, but I'm not sure you can be an Olympic athlete in all those sports AND be a politician. Also? I think that probably Laurie won't be a politician any more by the time you are old enough to enter politics.
Imogen: Well now you're talking crazy too, Mom, because Laurie needs to be an MLA forever and I am going to work with her. All my friends at school will be jealous because I will be an MLA with the best MLA ever. Well, except me. I might be better. And I think you should let me get earrings because Laurie has earrings.
(File under: Conversations not anticipated)
Monday, June 16, 2014
**If you don't like to see/hear a child swear, do not read this post.**
Imogen, looking over my shoulder as I type: Mom, what is a PC?
Me: They're a political party. PC means Progressive Conservative. They are in charge of Alberta right now and have been for a long time.
Imogen: They're the ones who are mean to teachers and want to pollute our environment! They did residential schools too!
Me: Yes. And other things too.
Imogen: I think they should be called the Poo-head Conservatives. Or the Shithead Conservatives. That would be better. Are they so dumb that they don't know what progressive means?
Touche, my little girl!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
I took the kids for a walk in the river valley. Imogen pretended to walk the tightrope on the line painted on the paved bicycle path.
Imogen: Remember Mirette on the Highwire? Was she fictitious or real?
Me: I don't remember, it's been a while since we read that book. I remember that the man who taught her was a real tightrope walker though.
Imogen: The Great Bellini!
Me: Yes, I think that was his name. We'll look up Mirette when we get home. You have such a good memory, Imogen!
Fast forward to bedtime. I am reading Imogen the 3rd book in the series The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place. We are on Chapter 12.
Me: blah blah blah Cassiopiea said blah blah...
Imogen, interrupting: Who is Cassiopiea?
Me: One of the three Incorrigible Children, the main characters in the series we have been reading.
Imogen: Oh, I forgot. You may proceed.
Friday, April 18, 2014
I came home with a bouquet of flowers for MamaJen than included pussywillows.
Imogen: You even got MamaJen some pussies!
Me: We don't really say that, Imogen.
Imogen: I say it for short for pussywillow. It also means kitty.
Me: Okay. But in North America a lot of people use the words pussy or pussies to mean vagina or vaginas. It's mostly just in England that people say pussy for kitty.
Imogen: Well then why don't we call the plant a vaginawillow?
Why now, indeed!
Thursday, April 3, 2014
This afternoon I took Imogen and Liam, with Julius in tow, on a shopping spree. We had given them passes to a trampoline park (Launchpad Trampoline) which is not honouring the passes (another story for another time and place. ) To make it up to them, I took them shopping for replacement gifts of their choice.
As we walked into the second store, Imogen having already secured a video game she really wanted,
Me: Did you just lick me?
Imogen: Yes! Because I am so excited about this shopping spree and so happy!
Me: That's kind of a strange way to show you're happy, honey.
Imogen: It's okay, I'll rub it off.
Imogen and I were reading the third Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place and reached the scene where Lord Ashton describes his grandfather's death by cause of murderous pheasants.
Imogen: What does murderous mean?
Me: It means killing, murdering, someone or something on purpose.
Imogen: Oh. I thought murdering was winking your eye at someone.
(Apparently MamaJen never played the childhood game of Murder from which Imogen was drawing this understanding, so she found it all the funnier.)
Sunday, March 16, 2014
MamaJen and I were out for dinner. We got this text from Liam, who was helping Molly babysit:
Immy: how do you graduate high school?
Molly: you have to have enough credits
Immy: what are credits?
Molly: credits are....
Immy: this is a cactus. Look it's not even hurting me though.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Me, singing to cat:
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Imogen: Hey! That's the song from The Big Bang Theory!
Me: You're right. Do you remember who likes it?
Imogen: The man who has autism and bad manners.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Imogen and Liam are on Team Aaron for the Hair Massacure, a fundraising venture that benefits the Stollery Children's Hospital, Ronald McDonald House, and the Make A Wish Foundation. Aaron is the cousin of one of Imogen's friends; he has terminal neuroblastoma. It is his dying wish to raise $50,000 to help other children who will go through similar illnesses.
Please consider donating to: